What "IF" God was one of us?

The essential nature of being a Christian puts one in a place to denounce all others; non Christians.  It's goes without saying that every Christian truly believes that the only way to heaven is through our Savior Jesus Christ.

If one refuses to believe or fails to devote their entire lives to worshipping the Christian God, then he/she is doomed to suffer eternally in the fiery depths of hell.

God created the world and everything in it. All he asks if for us (humans) to devote our lives in praising his name and following the path of his only son Jesus Christ, who was brought into the world by the Virgin Mary, whilst leaving Joseph emasculated in the process.

Now Joseph was every man's worst nightmare. He worked his butt-off as a carpenter by trade. He toiled hammering and sawing in the scorching sun by day and all through the night. While doing all this work, the only thing that kept him going was the thought of eventually scoring it on with his Virgin wife. But then came the huge surprise.  Lets take a look at the dialogue that might have taken place.

It's a sunny afternoon. Joseph is in his usual state; busily working on a project, that has to be finished by day-break. Sweat dripping down his body coagulates into a gooey mass like the saliva from the creatures in The aliens movies.

Joseph spends most of his day doing carpentry. He's quite neglectful  towards  his wife and often times sleeps in the courtyard. The door leading to the courtyard is brushed open. Mary joyfully approaches her husband with some news.

Mary: "Hunny, I don't how to say this…but…(sighs for a moment). I'm Pregnant

Joseph: (alarmingly) Say what?

Mary: "I'm pregnant with the Lord's child."

Joseph's eyes are still fixed on his work. He can't manage to stop for a moments sake.

Joseph: (Sarcastically) "Oh really…that's great…fabulous…wonderful."

Mary begins to further explains how the pregnancy occurred. She proceeds with a story but (like all women) instead of "Getting to the Meat" of a story to the meat of the story, starts off on a tangent; referring to everything that occurred on that day, including a verbal altercation with her cousin Elizabeth.

Whilst doing this, Joseph remains focused on finishing his work but pretends to be listening by nodding his head twice every 5-secs.

This has been an implemented technique, he often used every time his Wife begun to ramble. However, he day dreams about the financial benefits of selling his project work.

A few months later, on a mid-summer night, Joseph interrogates his wife about the pregnancy in their bedroom.

Suddenly, their living room door is gently brushed open. By time Joseph was done putting on his boxers, his bedroom door opened and a man walked in.

The man  carries a brief case in his left hand and a bag of groceries in the other. He is tall, stocky and appears strikingly handsome. 

Joseph stands frozen, with eyes ablaze, oscillating his vision between the Stranger and his wife.

The Man, without acknowledging Joseph's presence, slowly proceeds in the Mary's direction. With his hands stretched out, pulls Mary closer and plants a sensuous kiss on the Virgin's Lips.

Upon observing this, Joseph becomes instantly livid with rage. He forcibly grabs the Man's right shoulder in an effort to seize his attention. The man reacts by shoving the carpenter in his chest, breaking free from the  hold.

He raises his head towards the sky, with eyes lit bright red like those of Ah-nold as the Terminator. He proceeds to recite an incantation; it magically brews a cloud portal, which subsequently spews forth a gang of Angelic minions.

The Man's partners in crime, namely: Gabriel, Jason, Michael, Joshua and for some reason Jodie Foster, (as the character) she played in The Brave one. 

Now, realizing the presence of 5 cohorts at his defense. He confidently makes his way towards the Carpenter. 

Joseph, sensing danger, attempts to strike his  attacker with his fist. The punch is easily deflected by the Man. 

The man responds with a vicious elbow strike in a similar fashion as Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's People's Elbow.

The Carpenter's nose is instantly crushed upon impact. He bleeds profusely, appears dazed and shields his face in an effort to avoid subsequent hits. 

Within moments, Joseph finds himself completely surrounded by a band of adversaries. Punches and Kicks are exchanged between Joseph and his assailants. The brawl becomes so intense that an animated Big ball of violence (popularly implemented in cartoons from the 80's) ensues and encapsulates the combatants.

As generally expected, it vomits one of the brawlers and upon close inspection reveals a horribly battered Carpenter.

He struggles to make his way to his feet and is pulled by Jason only to slammed into a nearby drum barrel inappropriately placed next to the bathroom door.

For a quick moment, Joseph earnestly fixes his eyes on the  bare-floor. But soon comes to himself realizing  that a Pizza slice, capable of replenishing health and inexplicably stored under a barrel is only a late 80's videogame concept.

Somehow, he also comes to understand that J.J. from Good Times wasn't funny.

During this time, Mary, nonchalantly observes the debacle from her bed mattress. Her heart beckons to intervene but finds herself hypnotically enthralled by a Re-run episode of Sex and the City.

The Men including Jodie Foster continue to beat Joseph. They take turns punching him and forming gang symbols with their fingers in proclamation.

Finally, the horribly beaten Carpenter is carried out of the room by the squad of assailants, upon orders from their wife-robbing leader.

Joseph is left on the dusty floor;  heaving his life away. Fleeting thoughts of regret and desire grasp his mind in a pool of meditation.

He lapses in and out of consciousness and mentally laments on his failed relationship with his wife. He reflects on the fight that just occurred, questions God's existence and ponders  the reason behind making another Terminator sequel.

Moments later he discovers that God is a human being ; took his wife and beat him up.

A few weeks later, Joseph realizes the emasculating implications of the situation with Mary and the Man, however, he welcomes it.

He becomes accustomed with the Stranger's frequent visits, to the extent of awarding him Condoms and Cigarettes as soon as he arrives.

Jodie Foster also stops by occasionally, dressed up in leather. She appears to be a cross between Cher and the Policeman from the Village people .